Wednesday, November 28, 2007

void

Kiss lost its meaning.

There far away in the distant light she saw the couple hug and kiss, kiss once and then kiss again. A long, firm, gentle, honest but firm kiss, this is what from the distance she perceived. The girl looked, she saw it clearly, but could not recognise.

Staring right ahead, as visible as an enormous ship in the middle of a calm ocean, that couple stood embracing. Her mind drifted and she carried on with her day as if nothing absolutely nothing had touched her that right moment.

A kiss lost its meaning. Just like a limb that due to no use atrophies, just like a subject that is not familiar therefore holds no meaning.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

life experience

Life is just so fucking fascinating!

Was bad today, instead of doing my work, which I really need to do cause yeah it is just like 2000 words due in two days… not even like I am a slow reader either… anyway! Was bad cause I decided to go with Mariko and Lola (my two “motherly” good friends from work) for dinner and a drink. Man. Life! Wau. I wonder if it ever happens to anyone else when you just want to stop time to call someone and share that moment. Just let more of the world into that brilliant moment. Life! Wau. Amazing how people go through so much shit and still can stand so tall, amazing how people have so much in common and how often people say things and I just stop, smile, breath and think, yeah… I definitely understand. Oh if I do!

It is so silly cause in such a few hours it seems I was like overwhelmed with information I just found myself thinking wau so interesting, wau other people also go through this, and man there is so much we can learn when we listen.

Don’t you find people don’t listen anymore? I don’t mean look in the other person’s eyes and move the head up and down. I don’t mean try and find a solution. I don’t mean judge. I don’t mean criticize. I just really mean listen, no need for any solutions, no feed backing back what was just said; no saying what was just said in other words. No bullshit, just really listening!

It is so funny how I find that I can’t actually put down all the things my mind processes. I guess maybe cause I think to much, would not be able to be fast enough and would not know where to start. I also don’t think I have the words.

Anyway

In relation to the mood the thoughts the vibe,

I’d do anything for love – Meat Loaf.

Mommy I heard a couple of meat loaf songs today and so you were on my mind, but I’ll tell you tomorrow.

Saturday, November 03, 2007

night out

One thing I have never noticed and became obvious to me today, when there are fireworks there can also be guys controlling it. And I have to say thank goodness there are people that are mad enough to do so.

Friday, November 02, 2007

I just posted and then found, previous post was exactly named Hope.

The contrary to exactly how I am feeling tonight. I guess certain days just consume me and maybe that is a reason I consider myself such a hard person to deal with. But that needed people, needed my family, needed support and fucking wanting to feel loved is something I really need, it is; No matter how good my day.

when it just seems too hard

There are days when I really miss my family, when I would just so much appreciate feeling loved just a little bit more. Concern and worry, things that it seem no one here feels for me and man I end up feeling like I am fucking invisible.

Just because I do, do a lot for myself, doesn’t mean I would not like to get the occasional pat on the back or a hug just to feel more like a human being.

This is when I end up questioning myself and how strong I really am.

Had not a so famous day today at university and my confidence in my work is a little on the edge, feels like I am disappointing myself and that I will not be able to achieve what I need. You know when you just feel the group beneath tremble and you cant find something to hold on to. Felt is during the whole of my day and get back to a house where I can say I feel cared for all the time. Didn’t feel it tonight and so I guess I’ll just give myself this day to cry and let out.