Não Há Acasos...

"O amor não é uma questão da pessoa "certa" versus pessoa "errada" mas, como parece retirar-se destas histórias de amor, mais uma questão da nossa própria atitude interior e de como essa atitude cria um momento especial nas nossas vidas em que podemos encontrar uma outra pessoa à nossa maneira."

cont.

Não Há Acasos,
Robert H. Hopcke

A Sincronicidade e as Histórias das Nossas Vidas.

“Quando nos nomeamos únicos autores das nossas vidas o que mais senão o caos inerente aos acasos da vida nos poderia demonstrar a loucura da nossa ilusão de grandeza?”

“Perguntam-me muitas vezes “Como é que se trabalha com a sincronicidade?”, ao que eu frequentemente respondo “Esteja receptivo ao significado do que não queria que acontecesse”.

“Quando decidimos escrever as nossas histórias com base no que sabemos sobre nós próprios, decidindo, como fazem os autores, qual vai ser o princípio, o meio e o fim dos nosso contos, esquecemo-nos de que aquilo que conscientemente sabemos de nós próprios é apenas parte da história.”

...and so I am still reading.

Person.. (re)ality

"Rationalization is the most common employed mechanism of reality distortion!"

Much can be said about who we are.
I have always found it very interesting, personality!
An enduring state of something that was molded by so many influences, faces and places that make us an entity. More than an astonishing continuum, I ask the question, where on the scale of socially acceptable are you and me?

(Me: a bit histrionic balanced with a twist of narcissistic added to occasionally obsessive, and of course not to forget, the eternal unsatisfied depressed moody girl.)

choices

I kind of missed the rides on the bus. I do not particularly enjoy the waiting and standing in the cold, having to deal with timetables is not exactly what I appreciate the most. However, when I finally get in the bus and sit down, in my little space, preferably next to the window, then it begins. It is a process that I have come to love. I put my head phones in and the rest of the world seems to cease to exist. I am left alone with my music and my thoughts and I feel in some strange way, free.

It is my time to think, better yet my time to deal, actually. Therapy is a strange thing. I should not be writing as exams are coming and all my attention and time should be devoted to these, but I am so far away. Motivation is lacking and this is a problem. I am not going to though, give in to writing everything I want, or feel like to. It would take a considerable amount of time and I should leave it for after next week. All I want to do in a strange way is write, say, notes, so that I can remember everything I am feeling, thinking, processing.

To develop: my more guilt trips; easier to stay down low than exile in euphoria; afraid of the future.

steps...

Steps, some are easier and same are harder to take. I remember a long time now, in a distant past, I decided to move away from a problem I created. I was afraid and I ran; I could not deal with the present I had created. Mixed with a strong desire to understand inner parts of myself, I moved away avoiding to deal.

Many steps have been taken since and much has developed inside me. Looking back I don’t understand all the pain all the suffering all the negative emotions that were tied to such a strong love. Something so beautiful became so sad. I have no more anger inside left and all I can seem to wish is that someone can demonstrate the love that you deserved from me, from the start. Seemed you needed a clean conscious, an excuse, a step from me to justify your need to move on. Even though the words you spoke were so important and the few hours we were truly honest were so significant the obvious truth was, we stepping in different directions. I can not start to explain how much you gave me and how thankful for all, all the laughs and the tears. All of it was part of the construction of who I seem to be today. I have said everything I need to say to you I believe everyone literally knows how important, how much you live in me and how I will always be “there” for you. - “Unconditional love … we could never be enemies because you been such a good friend to me”

Steps, some are easier and same are harder to accept. I have taken a big step and I opened my heart. I felt as if I was allowing myself and not allowing myself but a few months and significant weeks gone through, experience, romance and trust were built. I want to be the best I can be and my heart seems to want the same.

To a new learning with A; I just want to share what we have for each other, a day at a time.
And a sweet thank you A, for making me so happy.

My love... was not enough

Words, nothing but words. Words are easy. Talking is so much easier than showing someone the truth. Saying what you want someone to believe in is so much easier than demonstrating. Words are only words, It is easy to talk, harder to love.