Wednesday, October 25, 2006

don't love u

"there r somewords
that hits you like a hurricane
that makes your bleed
that hurt u so much inside
u feel your body twist
no one can describe
u start crying
and u don't think in
anything else
those words ecoes
trough your head
u lose composure
don't know how to act
what moves to make
how silly and stupid they seam
still screaming
still lovin
waitin for those words
were never said"

not my words, but feel them still...

done a lot of crying just letting a lot out i think,
these dreams are really afecting me and the whole fact i miss being loved or just even hugged by someone i really know loves me...
the whole fact


i was not made to love nor to be loved


i guess, i just would like not even to be special but really just remember how it felt and believe once again i can make someone's world have a meaning...


just a little fuckep up.





me

i was not made to love nor to be loved,
so
what is all this
just a twisted
joke
on me.

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Love and Romance

in understanding society this is what we are looking at
love and romance

does any of this exist or is it just society that makes it real
society is us
right
so we make it real
or is that not exactly
like that?

don't know
can't remember... can't remember how it feels to BE loved
only loving
...
and hurting

all the good is so far, it's sad i know i've felt it cause there is a very vage feeling
a memory i can't reach anymore
not these past days especialy.

Missing everyone so much lately.
Watched Elisabethtown tonight
ohhh my God how i miss that
see i know i've had it...

of course you've been on my mind but strangely
although i feel like speaking to you, sending you a message to know how u are, something
i don't do it
see
who am i to you
at least i would like to think
a sort of friend
so if you don't speak to me it's cause or you really can't or you don't want to

so it's up to you

i'll be back soon and i'm really forward to seeing everyone again
miss so much
i guess family
is really
family and close friends
are really
really
special

don't actually want to analyse and find out if love and romance
exists
just want to carry on in this
fantasy
these dreams
i dream
everynight.

the perfect bad boy who will once again love me for who i really am.

Friday, October 20, 2006

lonely

today i'm really feeling sad
maybe it's my period or maybe it's not

i have this essay plan and this essay and maybe it's my fault cause i've told myself i can't do it that it is hard or maybe i'm just really having troube with this i don't know
just know
i wish i could have a hug
loving hug

Friday, October 06, 2006

the 4 guys in my life.

oh my God this is ridiculase.
today i'm reading about mid life crisis, choose this subject for an essay i have to do for psychology so i've read a little about how situations that cause stress such as change can be a trigor to this crises.
So father daughter love has been a point ...

just got told that B is going to be looked after by J at university. How ridiculous i'm feeling right now, oh my God, i can't believe how this is making me feel. Couldn't anyone else have been his madrinha... (fdx k raiva...). I feel so stupid feeling this but I already lost his "approvel" once when i made my life time mistake, now i'm losing him again... why isn't that girl out of my life and the lives of the people I, me Amie, Loves.... why....

Oh my God the guys of my life...
Darling, my sweet Darling I can't even say we fisicaly close cause you are so damn far and I hardly actually know you... but my love for you is so so damn strong, always has been ...

Dad oh Dad if how know how I love and hate you.

N ohhhh if you felt what i feel for you right now you'd have died so many times cause believe me my passion and hate as not been stronger than it has with you.

B you'll never understand my feelings for you... how first i sparkeled being near you, how later you developed in to this fatherly figure to whom i tried so hard to get love from...

lost everyone.

lost N for ever to the point that it doesn't even seem important to speak to me... i wonder is it possible that in a whole week you don't even have a fucking minute to open the msn window and say hi....

Doll i guess i haven't lost you cause i'm to far to drive you away from me.
still i know there are still points in which i dissapoint you.

Oh Daddy, i feel as if I've never been good enough, never made u proud. I know you not a fisical person but i don't know somehow deep inside needed more of your warmth.

B... to you i was never a good enough person and probably never a good enough friend... don't know ... don't know no more.

Guess none of this even matters ...

oh and of course today had to be full moon...