[Heartless] ... wishing

There are so many things I have wished for during my life. Strangely enough I have wished to be more of an adult a few times, being more able to deal with my emotions, more able to deal with difficult situations, knowing what is the best actions to take, listening more to my head than my heart. Strangely enough I wish, again, to be able to have the strength to deal with him and his new her. I have wished before to be adult enough and deal with how things were, being able to be his friend. I have wished before to maintain that connection as he has been such an important person in my life. I have wished to be strong enough to be his friend. Tonight, though I wish to have the courage to keep my head high, even after he hurt me more than I believed it were possible to hurt. Again, I wish these tears to be the last I cry over him. I wish for the hate to go away. I wish I will finally be able to forgive myself. I wish for the hate to go away, and one day be able to remember the happiness I so firmly believed he gave me once. Strongly, I wish to be able to remember how much I have apologized and tried to make up for my mistakes. And also, I wish to have the spirit to overcome how I feel less than worthy as a person.