the 4 guys in my life.
oh my God this is ridiculase.
today i'm reading about mid life crisis, choose this subject for an essay i have to do for psychology so i've read a little about how situations that cause stress such as change can be a trigor to this crises.
So father daughter love has been a point ...
just got told that B is going to be looked after by J at university. How ridiculous i'm feeling right now, oh my God, i can't believe how this is making me feel. Couldn't anyone else have been his madrinha... (fdx k raiva...). I feel so stupid feeling this but I already lost his "approvel" once when i made my life time mistake, now i'm losing him again... why isn't that girl out of my life and the lives of the people I, me Amie, Loves.... why....
Oh my God the guys of my life...
Darling, my sweet Darling I can't even say we fisicaly close cause you are so damn far and I hardly actually know you... but my love for you is so so damn strong, always has been ...
Dad oh Dad if how know how I love and hate you.
N ohhhh if you felt what i feel for you right now you'd have died so many times cause believe me my passion and hate as not been stronger than it has with you.
B you'll never understand my feelings for you... how first i sparkeled being near you, how later you developed in to this fatherly figure to whom i tried so hard to get love from...
lost everyone.
lost N for ever to the point that it doesn't even seem important to speak to me... i wonder is it possible that in a whole week you don't even have a fucking minute to open the msn window and say hi....
Doll i guess i haven't lost you cause i'm to far to drive you away from me.
still i know there are still points in which i dissapoint you.
Oh Daddy, i feel as if I've never been good enough, never made u proud. I know you not a fisical person but i don't know somehow deep inside needed more of your warmth.
B... to you i was never a good enough person and probably never a good enough friend... don't know ... don't know no more.
Guess none of this even matters ...
today i'm reading about mid life crisis, choose this subject for an essay i have to do for psychology so i've read a little about how situations that cause stress such as change can be a trigor to this crises.
So father daughter love has been a point ...
just got told that B is going to be looked after by J at university. How ridiculous i'm feeling right now, oh my God, i can't believe how this is making me feel. Couldn't anyone else have been his madrinha... (fdx k raiva...). I feel so stupid feeling this but I already lost his "approvel" once when i made my life time mistake, now i'm losing him again... why isn't that girl out of my life and the lives of the people I, me Amie, Loves.... why....
Oh my God the guys of my life...
Darling, my sweet Darling I can't even say we fisicaly close cause you are so damn far and I hardly actually know you... but my love for you is so so damn strong, always has been ...
Dad oh Dad if how know how I love and hate you.
N ohhhh if you felt what i feel for you right now you'd have died so many times cause believe me my passion and hate as not been stronger than it has with you.
B you'll never understand my feelings for you... how first i sparkeled being near you, how later you developed in to this fatherly figure to whom i tried so hard to get love from...
lost everyone.
lost N for ever to the point that it doesn't even seem important to speak to me... i wonder is it possible that in a whole week you don't even have a fucking minute to open the msn window and say hi....
Doll i guess i haven't lost you cause i'm to far to drive you away from me.
still i know there are still points in which i dissapoint you.
Oh Daddy, i feel as if I've never been good enough, never made u proud. I know you not a fisical person but i don't know somehow deep inside needed more of your warmth.
B... to you i was never a good enough person and probably never a good enough friend... don't know ... don't know no more.
Guess none of this even matters ...
oh and of course today had to be full moon...
posted by Leila at 8:40 AM
1 Comments:
i know we tend to feel like shit and afraid that we are letting down everybody who is important in our lives and i cannot say much about 3 of them but i can tell you about one. you know who that is. all i can say is that i think he would really be sad to know you think he doesn't care about you or like you much. everything he ever told you was because he cares. it might have hurt, yes, but you know he doesn't lie and say what the other person wants to hear. he just says what he thinks and whatever advice he gives you is intended to be for your benefit. anyways, about the j thing, i'm not thrilled about it either but i don't think they gave him much choice, if any at all. she probably just stepped up and said she was his godmother. but hopefully that won't mean much.
isn't mid-life crisis something concerning changes when you're 40/50-ish? always thought it was about that point in one's life but maybe you are more informed about that subject since you're reading about it :) good luck to your essay :) and hey...don't think you are the only one who screws things ups and feels bad about what is and does to others. the others probably feel and think the same way as well. "there's always some reason to feel not good enough" (sarah mclachlan, angel) and i'm sure everybody got theirs.
full moon..hmmm last night it was full moon here too, very nice :) she gets so adorable when it's all round and bright :)
big kiss baby*
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