F(r)iction

Why do all my decisions seem to have been the wrong ones, grandma?
Things can only be wrong or right in retrospect. It is very hard to know which will be the right or the wrong decisions my child.
I will never make a decision ever again, that I am not one hundred percent sure on.
You my dear are a “heart” girl and you will make many more decisions with your heart.
I hate being a heart girl, grandma. My heart hurts.
I know my darling, I can see you.
Why is it so much easier to just have really good friends?
Because, my sweet, let me explain, when you love you give away a lot more. You give yourself. You also receive someone’s “self”.
I am not strong enough to hold my own “self”. I will never be strong enough or deserving enough of another self.
My little angle you know I believe in you, don’t you?
I believe in you too grandma. I want to believe in me.
I know my little, little heart girl.

letting out

Madonna - Confession on a dance floor.

There is always something new, some words that go straight through burning my soul.

"Life is a paradox
And it doesn't make much sense ...

Time goes by so slowly for those who wait
No time to hesitate ...

I'm fed up
I'm tired of waiting on you ...

Won't you let it be?
Just let it be

Just watch me Burn ...

Put away your past
Love will never last
If you're holding on to a dream that's gone ...

do you believe in love at first sight?
it's an illusion, I don't care

do you believe that we can change the future?

it's all an illusion
there's too much confusion ...

Please don't say you're sorry
I've heard it all before

Please don't say 'forgive me'
I've seen it all before
And I can't take it anymore

Don't explain yourself cause talk is cheap ...

How high are the stakes?
How much fortune can you make?
Should I carry on?
Will it matter when I'm gone? ...

Staring up into the heavens
In this hell that binds your hands
Will you sacrifice your comfort?
Make your way in a foreign land?

Wrestle with your darkness
Angels call your name
Can you hear what they're saying?
Will you ever be the same?

Remember, remember, never forget
All of your life has all been a test
You will find a gate that's open
Even though your spirit's broken ...

I'm going down my own road and I can make it alone
I'll work & I'll fight til I find a place of my own

the only thing you can depend on is your family
lifes gonna drop you down like the limbs on a tree
It sways, and it swings and it bends until it makes you see ..."

"Heavy..."

"... on my heart"

Storm outside, storm inside me. Rain and wind as I sit on my chair, I listen. It is so loud I can not breathe. Storm inside me. Lost in the nothingness that is rich in doubt. Where to go and what to do, questions about a blank future. Who to be and what to follow, how do people choice their path, how do people make decisions? Do I stay, do I go, to where and for what? I can not deal with me with the questions with the weight. Storm inside me. Miss holidays, time when I can be me, a child. Anyone understand the benefit of being an adult? Storm inside my heavy self.

London shines... Even brighter in your arms!

Thank you Cuty A. :
(amazing 10 days)