stupid day
Just one of those days that I feel somewhat
Insignificant.
Many little stupid things, like disorganization at school, made me a little angry and a very stupid little thing also, being told I was arrogant… this lead to an overall unsatisfaction in me.
Today I just picked on him with absolute no reason and no wonder this guy never wanted me back…
I got big mental problems I think.
Let’s see if I make sense of this, well honestly even talking about it just showed me how stupid my attitude was. Problem is sometimes I have these days; sometimes I feel like crap and become just totally more receptive to bad thoughts. So because I was upset with the trouble I had at school to get something organized and I was pointed out to have been arrogant to one of the lady, I got angry. Now the problem is, although it was pathetic the disorganization, it wasn’t actually that lady’s fault to whom I could have yes, talked a little more harshly. This made me feel bad. I hate when I treat people bad or with less respect than they deserve. This is why no matter what, every time I argue with someone I feel so terrible.
So followed I have to admit at a certain point I was not jealous but on the other hand there were a little of sparkles and the problem is that they mixed up with some jealousy towards your dream holiday plans. Sounds weird and it is, because I am fucked up inside. I don’t know I just so much want to be the one for you and at the same time so much want you out of my life and out of my soul.
So I irritated you with worthless comments and bullshit that doesn’t even matter but felt you pulling away more and more and that just made it worse. I was feeling so crappy by the middle of the day, should have just asked to leave.
I was definitely not good company but at the end I felt you tried hard to get me back home as soon as possible, can’t say I don’t understand why but still just contributed to me feeling worse.
I have to really get my mind together, see B for this reason I question, wouldn’t it be best just to move away? I know you would not treat me like a friend, I know you would exclude me but I ask myself sometimes, maybe it is just worse to be fucking up things. No more having to deal with my crap.
Listening to these silly romantic songs, remembering this one song… stoned, there is a part where the guy says: I can handle all the baggage that you're carrying.
I’ve reached I think a point in my life where I believe there will never be anyone that will be able to tell me this.
Makes me so sad, because I just seem to be so screwed up.
Really truly sorry for today is all I can say to him.
Hoping for a better day tomorrow.
Insignificant.
Many little stupid things, like disorganization at school, made me a little angry and a very stupid little thing also, being told I was arrogant… this lead to an overall unsatisfaction in me.
Today I just picked on him with absolute no reason and no wonder this guy never wanted me back…
I got big mental problems I think.
Let’s see if I make sense of this, well honestly even talking about it just showed me how stupid my attitude was. Problem is sometimes I have these days; sometimes I feel like crap and become just totally more receptive to bad thoughts. So because I was upset with the trouble I had at school to get something organized and I was pointed out to have been arrogant to one of the lady, I got angry. Now the problem is, although it was pathetic the disorganization, it wasn’t actually that lady’s fault to whom I could have yes, talked a little more harshly. This made me feel bad. I hate when I treat people bad or with less respect than they deserve. This is why no matter what, every time I argue with someone I feel so terrible.
So followed I have to admit at a certain point I was not jealous but on the other hand there were a little of sparkles and the problem is that they mixed up with some jealousy towards your dream holiday plans. Sounds weird and it is, because I am fucked up inside. I don’t know I just so much want to be the one for you and at the same time so much want you out of my life and out of my soul.
So I irritated you with worthless comments and bullshit that doesn’t even matter but felt you pulling away more and more and that just made it worse. I was feeling so crappy by the middle of the day, should have just asked to leave.
I was definitely not good company but at the end I felt you tried hard to get me back home as soon as possible, can’t say I don’t understand why but still just contributed to me feeling worse.
I have to really get my mind together, see B for this reason I question, wouldn’t it be best just to move away? I know you would not treat me like a friend, I know you would exclude me but I ask myself sometimes, maybe it is just worse to be fucking up things. No more having to deal with my crap.
Listening to these silly romantic songs, remembering this one song… stoned, there is a part where the guy says: I can handle all the baggage that you're carrying.
I’ve reached I think a point in my life where I believe there will never be anyone that will be able to tell me this.
Makes me so sad, because I just seem to be so screwed up.
Really truly sorry for today is all I can say to him.
Hoping for a better day tomorrow.
posted by Leila at 4:47 PM
1 Comments:
ha' dias assim. nao e' uma desculpa, e' mesmo isso. hormonas, pe's virados do avesso, seja o que for, ha' dias demasiado-demasiado. mais vale empurra-los para debaixo da cama e pensar no dia seguinte.
you're not crap. you don't have mental problems. if you do, then we all do. cause baby, i have days where i feel the same as you. and ok, i'm not a great example of sanity but although i feel like i could be hospitalized somewhere, i know there are better days than those. it's just there are too many mysterious ways of our mind going to work. it just eats up and spits you out every other day.
a senhora nao teve culpa, ele tambem nao teve culpa e certamente tu tambem nao tiveste porque todos temos dias maus e gritamos ou somos impacientes com os outros sem realmente ser essa a nossa intençao. de certeza que a senhora tambem ja foi respondona com a dona da mercearia ou qualquer coisa assim. it happens. talvez o teu comentario tenha sido arrogante, nao somos todos santinhos mas nao faz de ti uma pessoa arrogante. percebes?
olha e digo-te mais, tambem me irrita a coisinha das ferias. apesar de eu ir para "fora", mas ir com amigo(s) e' diferente. e porra, tambem queria isso. fosse para onde fosse. deve saber bem, arranjar maneira de fazer algo assim. por isso acho que ele faz bem mas tambem tenho assim uma invejazinha :P (ainda bem que nao vao a praga desta vez :x *aham* kidding lol)
about you being away. tens de fazer o que te sentes mais confortavel, mesmo que no inicio te custe, se achares que e' o que tem de ser feito para estares bem e melhor...fa-lo. a vida ate pode dar mais voltas mas tem que se pensar in being ok right now. :) mas afastares-te porque nao queres que as pessoas te aturem, por achares que e's dificil de lidar, i've got news for you: somos todas umas grandas bestas. por isso ca' se fazem, ca' se pagam. get it? ;) (e ando com um pó a atitudes de 'ai vou afastar-me porque e' melhor pros outros', daí nao querer que vas pelo mesmo caminho :$)
isso com uma corridinha mandava-se logo as hormonas e o raio que o parta ao ar. era, era. que eu sei. ;) hehe
beijos grandes filhota * [ ]
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