Dream
I am really looking forward to that day, last time I had seen you was so long ago that I really missed you, all of you, even the annoying parts; like your closed and bottled up way of seeing life, especially your life.
I am going to try my best to wear something you will like but also, nothing that kind of just, leads you to think you going to have me. not that easily. not that easily at least. I am going to be me, because although there is so much I don't like about me, I think it is just better to be who we are. Only way we can learn more about yourselves is if we don't hide. And though shit if you don't like me.
Then after we have spoken about all the nonsense possible I am going to nag. The most common attribute you probable give me. I am going to tell you that inside I am a fucking confused girl, especially when it comes to my emotions towards you.
- Oh please don't smoke while you with me, another thing. Or then, if you want to do. (Definitely going to use this to my advantage, nothing puts me off, you, than seeing and thinking of you smoking... haven't you heard that stuff kills you. Not to mention the most distgusting taste ever!)
So I want to try and explain and even though it isn't going to make sense, because you never think I make sense, I want you to listen to me. I may repeat myself, but yeah that is just how girls communicate, they talk over and over about the same things.
So, thing is I can't say exactly what I feel for you. For so long I have been trying to get over you, that trying not to want you sometimes just makes me want you more. Isn't that always the story?
But what I mean is, I know you will never give me what I really want. I really want to be loved by you just like before, I want to be appreciated and wanted just like before. I know I can't have that.
If it was up to me you would be my boy even if just for the period of time I was present, if it was up to my deepest wishes we would get together more often than once a week for a meaningless chat, I want to go out with you to parties, to the beach, with friends, I want to satisfy all my Freudian desires. I want to drive you crazy that when you go home at night you feel like texting me just to say: you're on my mind.
Oh my god I want you the whole of you, something I can honestly not remember how it feels no more.
But nothing of this is possible and that is why I struggle inside because see I try and look at you, yes hum, just a friend... but oh
not that easy oh no baby, not that easy.
You drive me crazy and I haven't found this connection, this desire with no one else so you are all I have to think of.
- Really Sorry about that, I really am. I honestly do want you to be happy, fall in love and have a healthy relationship.
I think that is what I want. A health relationship. But I still have to deal with the fact I can't get this from you.
OK OK you have heard this bullshit over and over I know, you getting impatient, nothing of this means anything to you...
which leads me to the only possible solution given the fact I don't think I can just fuck you with out saying I am making love to you. I can't detach emotion from you. I got to be nothing but a friend.
nothing but a friend between us leads to practically nothing cause we don't know how to be friends. And also cause I do honestly want more, i guess.
- Oh I am going in circles? Oh, but that is exactly the problem. I don't know! I don't know.
All I can do is dream that you come to me and say: Hey girl I want you. I will be around and I will show you I want you during the time you here and it is more than just that, I do make love to you.
....
I am going to try my best to wear something you will like but also, nothing that kind of just, leads you to think you going to have me. not that easily. not that easily at least. I am going to be me, because although there is so much I don't like about me, I think it is just better to be who we are. Only way we can learn more about yourselves is if we don't hide. And though shit if you don't like me.
Then after we have spoken about all the nonsense possible I am going to nag. The most common attribute you probable give me. I am going to tell you that inside I am a fucking confused girl, especially when it comes to my emotions towards you.
- Oh please don't smoke while you with me, another thing. Or then, if you want to do. (Definitely going to use this to my advantage, nothing puts me off, you, than seeing and thinking of you smoking... haven't you heard that stuff kills you. Not to mention the most distgusting taste ever!)
So I want to try and explain and even though it isn't going to make sense, because you never think I make sense, I want you to listen to me. I may repeat myself, but yeah that is just how girls communicate, they talk over and over about the same things.
So, thing is I can't say exactly what I feel for you. For so long I have been trying to get over you, that trying not to want you sometimes just makes me want you more. Isn't that always the story?
But what I mean is, I know you will never give me what I really want. I really want to be loved by you just like before, I want to be appreciated and wanted just like before. I know I can't have that.
If it was up to me you would be my boy even if just for the period of time I was present, if it was up to my deepest wishes we would get together more often than once a week for a meaningless chat, I want to go out with you to parties, to the beach, with friends, I want to satisfy all my Freudian desires. I want to drive you crazy that when you go home at night you feel like texting me just to say: you're on my mind.
Oh my god I want you the whole of you, something I can honestly not remember how it feels no more.
But nothing of this is possible and that is why I struggle inside because see I try and look at you, yes hum, just a friend... but oh
not that easy oh no baby, not that easy.
You drive me crazy and I haven't found this connection, this desire with no one else so you are all I have to think of.
- Really Sorry about that, I really am. I honestly do want you to be happy, fall in love and have a healthy relationship.
I think that is what I want. A health relationship. But I still have to deal with the fact I can't get this from you.
OK OK you have heard this bullshit over and over I know, you getting impatient, nothing of this means anything to you...
which leads me to the only possible solution given the fact I don't think I can just fuck you with out saying I am making love to you. I can't detach emotion from you. I got to be nothing but a friend.
nothing but a friend between us leads to practically nothing cause we don't know how to be friends. And also cause I do honestly want more, i guess.
- Oh I am going in circles? Oh, but that is exactly the problem. I don't know! I don't know.
All I can do is dream that you come to me and say: Hey girl I want you. I will be around and I will show you I want you during the time you here and it is more than just that, I do make love to you.
....
posted by Leila at 12:27 PM
1 Comments:
talvez seja inevitavel pensares e sonhares com o dia em que o voltes a ver, depois de regressares. talvez seja inevitavel que sintas uma certa ansiedade e projectes expectativas. and yet uma parte nunca estará preparada para o que vier. uma parte ficará surpreendida. outra desapontada, provavelmente.
all we seem to do is dream our lives away. isn't it? :)
beijo grande *
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