relationships
Why is it that as adolescents we live our lives so much more intensely?
I’ve even heard that while we are younger our taste buds are more acute. I guess that makes sense because as we get older our vision and sound also begins to deteriorate. So are these things connected? Does this explain why as adolescents and young adults emotions are stronger and feelings have higher and more intense picks?
I am not sure of what I have believed, or what I believe right now, when it comes to relationships. One thing I am sure is that it is definitely a grey area, a very strongly grey area. Some way I have always wanted to believe that there is certainly someone out there for everyone, but I have also some how trusted that there is not just one perfect person. As I believe in souls I somehow have always thought that we can have connections with more than one soul and this for many reasons, to start with because there is just so much to learn. But I have always questioned how to be proper and correct with emotions when things get more complicated. How can we know who completes us in the levels we need to be able to maintain a healthy long lasting relationship? Feelings of love, lust, attraction, are concepts to me still so hard to define.
Today, sitting here in my chair, I know that my ideas have changed, that what I once believed has had bumps but I can not yet say exactly how I feel on these topics because honestly I have not lived nor experienced enough. The one relationship I have had has so intense, so passionate, so fresh, that kind of perfect first love. Learnt so much from it I guess but still can’t say I have the answers. Made so many mistakes so much I wish I could change but still so many things I can not say I understand perfectly. Before I gave into loving I was afraid of it but I learnt to be able to feel this emotion. I can’t say I perfectly understand it but looking back I can say I learnt to appreciate it, he taught me to just let go and slowly I feel more and more in love; Strange and complex emotion but so beautiful in its essence. Nowadays I am not afraid of love no more. My fear has changed. I think now I fear making mistakes and so not being loved. Yes. I fear I will never be loved again.
I know that we attract our fears and for this reason I know I should leave it alone and just try my best to demystify this feeling.
Sometimes people talk about meeting others and connection like it is the easiest thing ever, I don’t understand because although I think I make friends easily, I don’t think bonds are that easy to form. Relationships some times I see form so quickly and I find myself looking around and being surrounded by couples. Are they just luckier or have they been at the right place at the right time? Is there enough chance for everyone or does it depend upon ourselves?
Considering there are so many people out there, considering that people establish connections at different levels, considering that the human being is such a complex living mechanism I wonder if there will ever be answers to all the questions.
From what I have learnt from the adults around me relationships grow stronger and trust is something that builds with the years. People learn more and more about each other and begin to know more about themselves and the partner. This leads sometimes maybe, I am guessing, to less jealousy and maybe the possibility of understanding that one’s life does not depend on another person. Yes, maybe that is it; Confidence and trust. Our identity does not rely on the other person satisfying and completing us on every single level. Maybe later in life we are able to understand things better.
Confidence. That is another subject. I think that as we grow older we might become more comfortable with the people we are and maybe then start to like ourselves more. This is what I hope. Confidence with our personality and with the body in which we exist; two things I need to learn.
Ultimately my mind travels through questions that don’t have answers.
I’ve even heard that while we are younger our taste buds are more acute. I guess that makes sense because as we get older our vision and sound also begins to deteriorate. So are these things connected? Does this explain why as adolescents and young adults emotions are stronger and feelings have higher and more intense picks?
I am not sure of what I have believed, or what I believe right now, when it comes to relationships. One thing I am sure is that it is definitely a grey area, a very strongly grey area. Some way I have always wanted to believe that there is certainly someone out there for everyone, but I have also some how trusted that there is not just one perfect person. As I believe in souls I somehow have always thought that we can have connections with more than one soul and this for many reasons, to start with because there is just so much to learn. But I have always questioned how to be proper and correct with emotions when things get more complicated. How can we know who completes us in the levels we need to be able to maintain a healthy long lasting relationship? Feelings of love, lust, attraction, are concepts to me still so hard to define.
Today, sitting here in my chair, I know that my ideas have changed, that what I once believed has had bumps but I can not yet say exactly how I feel on these topics because honestly I have not lived nor experienced enough. The one relationship I have had has so intense, so passionate, so fresh, that kind of perfect first love. Learnt so much from it I guess but still can’t say I have the answers. Made so many mistakes so much I wish I could change but still so many things I can not say I understand perfectly. Before I gave into loving I was afraid of it but I learnt to be able to feel this emotion. I can’t say I perfectly understand it but looking back I can say I learnt to appreciate it, he taught me to just let go and slowly I feel more and more in love; Strange and complex emotion but so beautiful in its essence. Nowadays I am not afraid of love no more. My fear has changed. I think now I fear making mistakes and so not being loved. Yes. I fear I will never be loved again.
I know that we attract our fears and for this reason I know I should leave it alone and just try my best to demystify this feeling.
Sometimes people talk about meeting others and connection like it is the easiest thing ever, I don’t understand because although I think I make friends easily, I don’t think bonds are that easy to form. Relationships some times I see form so quickly and I find myself looking around and being surrounded by couples. Are they just luckier or have they been at the right place at the right time? Is there enough chance for everyone or does it depend upon ourselves?
Considering there are so many people out there, considering that people establish connections at different levels, considering that the human being is such a complex living mechanism I wonder if there will ever be answers to all the questions.
From what I have learnt from the adults around me relationships grow stronger and trust is something that builds with the years. People learn more and more about each other and begin to know more about themselves and the partner. This leads sometimes maybe, I am guessing, to less jealousy and maybe the possibility of understanding that one’s life does not depend on another person. Yes, maybe that is it; Confidence and trust. Our identity does not rely on the other person satisfying and completing us on every single level. Maybe later in life we are able to understand things better.
Confidence. That is another subject. I think that as we grow older we might become more comfortable with the people we are and maybe then start to like ourselves more. This is what I hope. Confidence with our personality and with the body in which we exist; two things I need to learn.
Ultimately my mind travels through questions that don’t have answers.
posted by Leila at 3:25 PM
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