I haven't been here for a while now.
here right now for all the wrong reasons, had a long conversation with you N but like i was afraid it didn't end so happy and fresh as it began.
we managed to have like what three really nice conversations this past month or two?
I got to tell you, well not you directly but I got to say i was so happy when you told me that you didn't think you would find someone with who you had the same chemistry as you had with me, you said things that made me feel special and important. it was so nice cause i haven't felt close to that for so long, like 3 years... but sadly it doesn't change that we are not together.
i have reached the point where blaming myself has become just so natural but so worthless that i have accepted we just don't work together no more.
but today it was horrible. why do i find myself feeling like we keep breaking up? I feel like we break up over and over again... which
N makes no sense.
We broke up three years ago or something like that
and that is that.
I have hurt boy for far two long
i'm so sorry N for everything i did
i cant think of anything positive at all
and i apologize so much for everything
but i'm so tired of hurting
when u speak about wanting me a little part of me sparkles
but then i remember that what is felt by you is less than you once gave me,
less than probably what i feel for you...
you once made me believe in love
something i never thought i deserved
i don't know don't think i deserve it now
but i know i would ask for more from you than you feel
more than you could give
i would ask for a past i destroyed.
and that is just not possible.
i feel so sad that it is so hard for us to be friends
wish things were simple
wish i wasn't a jealous person
which i was more rational and less emotional
but no matter what
things about that i can not change.
today i decided to be strong and say to myself
enough.
i honestly believe you will be happy so so happy really soon just as you decide to take control of your life and let things come to you.
for me i will carry on taking one day at a time trying my best to be the person i believe i am but also the person i feel proud to love,
this means no more hurting
so one day at a time
i live my life
one day at a time.
here right now for all the wrong reasons, had a long conversation with you N but like i was afraid it didn't end so happy and fresh as it began.
we managed to have like what three really nice conversations this past month or two?
I got to tell you, well not you directly but I got to say i was so happy when you told me that you didn't think you would find someone with who you had the same chemistry as you had with me, you said things that made me feel special and important. it was so nice cause i haven't felt close to that for so long, like 3 years... but sadly it doesn't change that we are not together.
i have reached the point where blaming myself has become just so natural but so worthless that i have accepted we just don't work together no more.
but today it was horrible. why do i find myself feeling like we keep breaking up? I feel like we break up over and over again... which
N makes no sense.
We broke up three years ago or something like that
and that is that.
I have hurt boy for far two long
i'm so sorry N for everything i did
i cant think of anything positive at all
and i apologize so much for everything
but i'm so tired of hurting
when u speak about wanting me a little part of me sparkles
but then i remember that what is felt by you is less than you once gave me,
less than probably what i feel for you...
you once made me believe in love
something i never thought i deserved
i don't know don't think i deserve it now
but i know i would ask for more from you than you feel
more than you could give
i would ask for a past i destroyed.
and that is just not possible.
i feel so sad that it is so hard for us to be friends
wish things were simple
wish i wasn't a jealous person
which i was more rational and less emotional
but no matter what
things about that i can not change.
today i decided to be strong and say to myself
enough.
i honestly believe you will be happy so so happy really soon just as you decide to take control of your life and let things come to you.
for me i will carry on taking one day at a time trying my best to be the person i believe i am but also the person i feel proud to love,
this means no more hurting
so one day at a time
i live my life
one day at a time.
posted by Leila at 12:45 PM
2 Comments:
and the damn carousel keeps on spinning. until when?, the voices wonder. and when it does stop, what will it be like? waiting it to spin one more time.
i guess we can never hope for another ride, every time. dizziness gets to us somehow. to pull the breaks and say enough is enough (is enough?).
big kiss baby * sorry for not having written about your words for a while.
:) [ ] *
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