letting out

Letting out

Yes im going to allow myself to let out

Let myself cry

So much inside always building

Up

Letting out.

Im so far and still

So much time has passed

Why the fuck cant I still know

The best way to deal with you?

Why do you care about what people say? Why do you care about what they think?

Yes I say I don’t have anything to do with what you do, how can that in any way make you angry? Explain to me…

Cant you understand my reality has changed?

I was the one that fucked us up I get it and that is probably why it was fucking harder and still is fucking harder for me to let go… Yeah I get that you’ve stopped loving me a long time ago, but I… I have to still deal with pain. Remember pain?

So when I say I got nothing to do it is my reality, the reality I need to live with cause there is no fucking return…

I got nothing to do and if you’ve moved on you’ve moved on…

If you got another girl you got another girl

If you don’t yeah I still don’t have nothing at all to do with that

It don’t change my reality

Boy

It don’t change what I live in.

Get it

????

Why is it still fucking hard for me when we have any kind of argument?

Why can’t I just think of you like I think of the rest of my friends?

Why is it that what you think about me is still so important to me?

Don’t bring up S. That girl was bad news for me. So many lies and still today I don’t know the truth, but I know what I saw.

Yes I did see you with her once, her laying on your legs, you playing with her hair…

Oh my god it still hurts so much

And C

Yeah lets not even go their

That even hurts more

Still I had fucked things up so I had nothing to do

Nothing

Cant you understand that is my problem

I’ve not been part of your life for over 2 years, maybe more but you’ve been part of mine

Part of my soul

Can you understand that?

No

You cant you cant remember how it felt to love. Maybe it is my fault…

Still it’s my reality

You aren’t part of my life cause

I’m definitely not part of yours.

We don’t even know how to be friends

I don’t know how to be your friend, I always try to keep conversation going, still I feel myself drowing in silence…

What happened

Oh my god what happened

I lost my best friend

So long ago

Why is it so hard?

At least

Better

Why is it so hard for me????

Just can’t stand when you mad. Feel like ripping all and every single feeling I have

And had

For you

Out of me.

It would be so much easier if I didn’t’ care for you N.

I’m so sorry and everyday believe me

I’m so sorry for being the fucking girl I was to you.

Now the cute difference is you out having your daily coffee with your friends, chilling, smoking… probably just angry about someone speaking about you, angry that even though you don’t get involved with no girl there is talk about it, or maybe angry cause you actually aren’t with no girl and your friends is… At this stage sometimes I don’t know…

But here I am

Sad that I made you upset

How fucking ridiculous

Am I?

And then again

Who cares…

My reality is this,

I screwed the best relationship I can think possible, I hurt a guy that actually loved the shit I am, lost my best friend…

This is my reality.

Nothing I can do no more.

Different realities, i know my fault not yours...

still... remember different

I have to tell myself, I have to understand

I got nothing to do with you no more cause

see Buns I was forced to let you go... I'm forced to stop loving u

a little harder than your situation...