save
Arghhhh
People irritate me!!!
So horrible I know
But there are things I just don’t get.
I know what happens to us helps define who we are; our choices and the events that take place in our life builds us up to whom we are in our everyday. But also, we are who we choose to be! Or am I the only person that thinks this way?
I think maybe I’m just being silly, again…
Listening to S talk about her conversation with B and keeping in mind what B told me about how he felt for her… all this has hit me in a way I thought it would not. Never thought to have so much impact on me in this way…
Find myself wondering about love and you it feels when someone cares about us?
I have this faint memory that I struggle so hard to hold on to, that is my problem yeah? Holding on to a guy that doesn’t even want to feel no more…
So many years down the line and I still have so many fucking problems???
Why am I so damn strong in so many areas but this one? Why can’t I just take my heart out, rip it apart and live the rest of my life with no fucking desire to be wanted, really why?
Honestly there are so many mixed feeling inside me its unbelievable…
I question what is this stupid, ridiculous desire of wanting to help a guy that seems more fragile or lost in life? Is it a screwed genetic game we have to all pass through? I so much remember how N used to tick me cause I felt like I had saved a soul and my soul had learnt to love with the sweetest words and touches.
I can’t believe I fucking ruined this…
There is a difference between past and present and future right? I had a past I completely screwed… a part of me thinks the present is missing something… another can’t believe in a future… (not in regards to love no…)
The only positive thing I think is I am not blind no more for so long I believed one day I would get N to love me like before… people change, emotions die, I have seen the light on that now.
Things are alright and I can’t complain I feel I have grown inside and become stronger in certain ways. Want N close because that is a friend I want and need close to me. But got to remember not the same guy he was before.
People irritate me!!!
So horrible I know
But there are things I just don’t get.
I know what happens to us helps define who we are; our choices and the events that take place in our life builds us up to whom we are in our everyday. But also, we are who we choose to be! Or am I the only person that thinks this way?
I think maybe I’m just being silly, again…
Listening to S talk about her conversation with B and keeping in mind what B told me about how he felt for her… all this has hit me in a way I thought it would not. Never thought to have so much impact on me in this way…
Find myself wondering about love and you it feels when someone cares about us?
I have this faint memory that I struggle so hard to hold on to, that is my problem yeah? Holding on to a guy that doesn’t even want to feel no more…
So many years down the line and I still have so many fucking problems???
Why am I so damn strong in so many areas but this one? Why can’t I just take my heart out, rip it apart and live the rest of my life with no fucking desire to be wanted, really why?
Honestly there are so many mixed feeling inside me its unbelievable…
I question what is this stupid, ridiculous desire of wanting to help a guy that seems more fragile or lost in life? Is it a screwed genetic game we have to all pass through? I so much remember how N used to tick me cause I felt like I had saved a soul and my soul had learnt to love with the sweetest words and touches.
I can’t believe I fucking ruined this…
There is a difference between past and present and future right? I had a past I completely screwed… a part of me thinks the present is missing something… another can’t believe in a future… (not in regards to love no…)
The only positive thing I think is I am not blind no more for so long I believed one day I would get N to love me like before… people change, emotions die, I have seen the light on that now.
Things are alright and I can’t complain I feel I have grown inside and become stronger in certain ways. Want N close because that is a friend I want and need close to me. But got to remember not the same guy he was before.
Not my soul to save no longer….
posted by Leila at 5:16 PM
1 Comments:
how we acted and felt in the past can have a great influence in our present or future being. and that is why we have to know what we want to be, besides all the adversity which can come.
it's always easier to close doors and pretend there is no heart beating inside ourselves. but that is simply no good. there is something beating. like it or not. it will continue to pump blood and reactions (whatever those may be).
there are not many things i believe in, motto-wise. but one of them is that we cannot save who does not want to be saved. even if this person can't do it on his own, the first step has to be theirs. and then we can come and give out a hand but we will never be able to pick somebody else up on our own. our backs can only take so much. but we do hold on to these "lost souls". fascinations occur which only bring trouble to us. and we keep on waiting, wishing that person will fight for him or herself. and not give in to thoughts which will not give much salvation.
...no, not really.
big kiss baby * :)
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