disapointment
This is such a strange feeling, intrinsically hard to understand. My uncle says that when someone does not understand what we are saying or asking this is because we are not explaining yourself the best way. It is not their fault, it is ours. Some times I think this is true but others not so.
When it comes to relying on other people we are confronted with many situations. For some times I believe I might be asking too much and that is the reason I get hurt. Then also in the same breath I think I would not do certain things.
Last night I had the plan of going out dancing to let out the rush of emotion that flows inside me. The afternoon was interesting as I went to watch my brother break dance in a competition, this I really enjoyed and my two friends that came with me seemed to also. To the end of this afternoon, one of them said something that just broke me. I guess he did not realise as the words came out his mouth the profound implications they could have on my mind. I should be stronger, more realistic but hearing him comment on "n's" sex life... it was just such a pain. Did not need that. It is obvious and it has nothing to do with me so I don't want to know, hear or think about it. For god sake I have loved him for so many years, could they just give me a brake and realise how painful this is?
I am always expected to be alright and manage everything that it gets to a point it is just too much to swallow.
Five of us were going to the disco, two were coming later. I had already explained to one of the girls coming later that we were counting on her to get back home as in the morning on a Sunday it is very hard to get public transport, I has clear enough of the intention and she seemed to be fine with it. As we were dancing in the middle of the night, the dance music powered with every movement I took was blowing my worries while I was trying my best to let them out. Again expectations... the people around me seemed to have absolutely no respect, pushing and bumping in to me and my other friend. It gets to a point you can't move and that is something I just hate. Maybe my previous state of mind impacted but I was getting angry and even though the music was amazing it felt like things were not perfect. Then I received a message from the other girl saying she was not coming anymore. To start all I thought was... how expected! Then I clicked and remembered... how were we all getting back home now?
The rest of the night flow by as the disco was asked to close by police men standing outside next to a large vehicle. Something must have happened as it is not particularly common for a place like that to die at 4.30 in the morning. Even though it has been 3 hours of good soul refreshment it was still a pain and it spoiled the night. The three of us made our way the best we could. Got home earlier than I wanted, got to bed and slept.
In the light of a new day still feel sad. Still feel disappointed. Wonder why this is? Am I asking too much of my friends?
Maybe I am.
Still so much a need to learn about living.
When it comes to relying on other people we are confronted with many situations. For some times I believe I might be asking too much and that is the reason I get hurt. Then also in the same breath I think I would not do certain things.
Last night I had the plan of going out dancing to let out the rush of emotion that flows inside me. The afternoon was interesting as I went to watch my brother break dance in a competition, this I really enjoyed and my two friends that came with me seemed to also. To the end of this afternoon, one of them said something that just broke me. I guess he did not realise as the words came out his mouth the profound implications they could have on my mind. I should be stronger, more realistic but hearing him comment on "n's" sex life... it was just such a pain. Did not need that. It is obvious and it has nothing to do with me so I don't want to know, hear or think about it. For god sake I have loved him for so many years, could they just give me a brake and realise how painful this is?
I am always expected to be alright and manage everything that it gets to a point it is just too much to swallow.
Five of us were going to the disco, two were coming later. I had already explained to one of the girls coming later that we were counting on her to get back home as in the morning on a Sunday it is very hard to get public transport, I has clear enough of the intention and she seemed to be fine with it. As we were dancing in the middle of the night, the dance music powered with every movement I took was blowing my worries while I was trying my best to let them out. Again expectations... the people around me seemed to have absolutely no respect, pushing and bumping in to me and my other friend. It gets to a point you can't move and that is something I just hate. Maybe my previous state of mind impacted but I was getting angry and even though the music was amazing it felt like things were not perfect. Then I received a message from the other girl saying she was not coming anymore. To start all I thought was... how expected! Then I clicked and remembered... how were we all getting back home now?
The rest of the night flow by as the disco was asked to close by police men standing outside next to a large vehicle. Something must have happened as it is not particularly common for a place like that to die at 4.30 in the morning. Even though it has been 3 hours of good soul refreshment it was still a pain and it spoiled the night. The three of us made our way the best we could. Got home earlier than I wanted, got to bed and slept.
In the light of a new day still feel sad. Still feel disappointed. Wonder why this is? Am I asking too much of my friends?
Maybe I am.
Still so much a need to learn about living.
posted by Leila at 2:51 PM
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