Mais olhos que barriga

" O tempo que se esconde de emboscada
O tempo que te foge a sete pés
O tempo que no fim não vale nada. "

O tempo de dizer a vida é breve... ñ sei pk mas esta musica de certa forma entrou me a uns dias atras. bem parece k já nao refugio aki a tanto tempo apesar de ja ter escrito ontem. Mas continuo xeia. Xeia de merda.

These past days so many feeling have fought inside me. No control and I got to keep it together, important days are coming and these is my last change to "repair" my future. I got to get in this year. Just wished I could get out of this "trap".

I have no idea where to start. Yesterday was, how do i put it, a really complicated emotional day. I broke and the tears where impossible to stop from falling. Let out I guess they were still I feel the rest, the part that is living is still inside me and no matter how much rain comes out the clouds don't dissapear.

For so long I've lived in this family and I already know how things work, so many times I've cried and complaned and said what I think. Still things don't change and justice in certain aspects is impossible to reach. I hate the way determined aspects work and cause of the way the respect is seen in this family I remind myself how complicated it is to raise "children". I hate the fact that my brother is the way he is in so many ways. I know I ain't a easy person and maybe we have a lot in comum, still look at him and I can't find the essence, how can we be "the same fruit of the same tree". Hurts me.

There was a day that I went and looked for "support" in his arms. I found it, and he was sweet. But know, everytime I'm angry or sad about something he throws it in my face. Makes me wonder, maybe I should not have turned to him.

Of course there is so damn much to stay about the rest. Not the rest but that part that seems to be so big in me. Not that I want it to.

After yesterday things I already had thought are even stronger inside me. Had already told myself that I ain't going to be an object no more. If there is no future, if after a kiss I'm no one when the rest of the room is full, then No matter How I Love you, no Matter I ain't going to follow my feelings. Those moments I so much love when it seems you in love with me, those small things, the sweet look, the gentle touch, that hardly happens and that's what I want from you, I want your love, your shoulder, your care, a part in your life, I want to be more than I am and that is exactly what I ain't ever going to get from you. It is my fault I know but I can't carry on pretending or believing in things that are not reall. I must not.

See i am a pain I know and I care to much and worry to much about your future but if I'm talking to you about things you ain't interested, when I'm actually trying to show some support, teeling you you going to be able and you turn your back on me. You go and leave me talking alone. Go and find your friend or what ever. I feel like Shit. It's the last time N you make me feel like shit. I'm tired of it.

Once you made me believe I was special, and even it it was a fucking lie or you where just blind then I ain't gonna settle for anything less... no matter how fuckep up I feel, no matter how I hurt in side.

I may bleed for everytime you with some other girl, I may bleed for anytime you go out or watch a film that I told you i wanted to watch with you, I may bleed for every minute I'm futher out of your life...

I'll bleed cause I've already been fuckep up for so long that my blood has no colour.