Complicated day

I wrote this two days ago, I think.

To start I'm fuckep up about the discussion I had with my father. It may be stupid, yes, but I really am sad. I hate the way I am feeling cause of it. I hate that things are not resolved and that I'm going to have to touch the subject again.

Then... you. Always so damn confusing.
Don't know what to do. I know that you don't love me like before. I know you see no future for us and probably the only thing that will be intimate will be the few times we get "invloved" and only cause we happen to be in the same place at the same time, alone of course.
Isn't is worse for me to hold on to a love that does not existe? I'm probalby going to carry on falling deeper and deeper in love with you, and you?...

I tell you I wish I could be loved like I was once before. You tell me I'll find someone...

You don't understand. I'm in love with you and want only you to love me. You tell me we don't work. So I ask, ain't I just hurting myself?

I hear about you, about when you go out, about your friends and I realise I ain't part of that group. I stopped being part a long time ago, Still you don't understand that, guess it's normal cause you not the one that needs it. I am. I'm the one that wishes to still be part of your life. Like before. I was important. i was also part of the "fun" group. I would also have the opportunity to go out with the people you go out now, your friends. We would laugh and I would dance with you like I wish I could. We could do so many other things I always wanted to.
But i'm not in this part.
I'm kidding myself if I believe I will ever be.

Fuckep up with you so long ago and I'm still trapped.

So is it "worth it?"
I so much want you ... but I don't really have you... SO IS IT WORTH IT?...
so confused.